Funny Ways to Hurt Yourself

  1. How you hurt yourself.
    Why it’s funny.
  2. Broke your ankle playing Dance Dance Revolution
    You are 24 and at Dave and Buster’s for a friend’s birthday party. You’re the designated driver and very sober. Oh and you began competitive dancing and training when you were 6 years old. That’s right you broke your ankle playing DDR.
  3. Hand laceration requiring stitches from a toothbrush.
    You were going backpacking and wanted everything to be as light as possible. Your brilliant idea was to break the handle off of your toothbrush to save like 4 ounces. Unfortunately, the handle doesn’t cleanly break. Instead it splinters and makes a shiv that would be suitable for establishing dominance should you be sent to prison. It slices through your palm like a light saber through an arm at the local cantina.
  4. You break shatter your elbow sort of playing softball.
    What’s so funny about a broken bone while playing sports. Nothing, unless you weren’t actually playing. Instead you were warming up so you wouldn’t get hurt playing.
  5. Suffering repeated jostling in a vehicle after breaking your elbow
    You drove you and your brother to the softball game where you broke your elbow. You need to be driven to the emergency room, but your car has a standard transmission and your brother has never driven a stick. Every time he start from a complete stop, the car shakes like a mechanical bull from Urban Cowboy.
  6. You pull a muscle in your neck.
    You pulled the muscle because you were wearing a hard hat to protect your head from bumps against the bottom of an isolated steel floor you were working under. Unfortunately the hard hat makes you 3.5 inches taller and you keep bumping the hard hat on the floor. This makes you snap your head forward as an autonomic response and you effectively give yourself whiplash.
  7. You trip over your own two feet and fall really hard on both knee caps.
    You do this while performing a Harold on stage. A Harold is an improvised performance, so no one really knows what is supposed to be happening. Unfortunately your fall looks like it could part of you advancing the story and it takes a minute for people to realize that you aren’t acting and indeed are in excruciating pain.
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