Radioactive Spider Bite

A radioactive spider bite appears to be a horrible way to gain super powers. Let’s start with the whole fear factor. Does anyone truly like spiders? I’m not one of those people that fall over in fear and become completely useless when facing a spider, but I’ve got no problem squishing one under my size 11 heel. On the flip side I will also take a spider outside so it can continue to feast upon the carcasses of flies, mosquitos, and other annoying pests.

As I think about this, there are a lot worse ways to become a super hero. If we stick with animal bites, I feel that the bite of a rabid raccoon would be about the worst. What kind of super powers would this bring. The ability to digest rotten food? A certain level of cuteness that women feel is irresistible, but ignore the filth that you consume? Being continually confused for a small SF weapon wielding superhero from guardians of the galaxy? Whatever, a raccoon bite just sounds really painful. Like, it would be a festering sore that oozes pus for a few weeks. I’ve got to pass on that one.

What about being exposed to some sort of radiation? That’s also a horrible fate in the real world. Chernobyl man. Exposed to gamma radiation from the ruins surrounding the Chernobyl plant. You become another cog in a Russian mafia organization. Your super power is the ability to consume large amounts of vodka and not vomit at the sight of borsht. You are another tool in the KGB’s arsenal.

Is the KGB still a thing after Glasnost. ‘Cuz come on, I realize the Soviet Union is no more, but come on. It’s the fucking KGB. You think for a minute that the KG fucking B didn’t see the fall of the Soviet empire coming? Exactly. Those dudes have so much cash, drugs and weapons put away that they could outlast the fall of a global super power.

Yeah, let’s be honest. The KGB is the real superpower of the world. They are a legal organization in a corrupt government (redundant I know). These guys had weapons that we can’t imagine. They honestly researched mind control. Yeah. The KGB is the real superhero of the world. Don’t screw with these guys.

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