A Day at the Beach

I have a confession to make. I have never watched an entire episode of Bay Watch. See there. I don’t even know if it’s one word, Baywatch, or two, Bay Watch. I know what it is, but everything I know about it is based on short comedy sketches, clips that I’ve see on the internet, or from back when I watched TV, a possible preview between another show.

I believe it started with a lot of slow motion running of the life guards on the beach. I do not know if the show started with the title sequence or there was a cold opener. I don’t really even know what happened on the show. I mean like with the plot. Baywatch was on for what seemed like 5 or more seasons.

The plot every week couldn’t have been: “Look someone has been dragged out by a rip tide! We need to save them.” or “Oh no Timmy went swimming right after eating lunch and he has a cramp. Let’s get him to walk it off.”

I mean as compelling as those might be, I’m struggling to completely see how they could have made 20+ episodes every season about minor swimming accidents. Seriously…even if they began to include incidents that just occurred at the beach like: “Someone stepped on a pop top and blew out their flip flop.” or “Damnit Steve. I told you to get all the sand off your legs before you got on the blanket.”

That means that there must have been a lot more to Baywatch than just lifeguarding. Maybe they were like Mystery Incorporated. In between the minor swimming incidents, they Baywatch crew solved a mystery. They’d divide up into teams. David Hasslehoff would pair up with the two most attractive life guards and go in one direction. The other guy life guard, to be honest I’m assuming there was a second guy life guard, would take one of the beach dogs, they had those right?, and go in the other direction.

Chad, that’s my name for the other guy lifeguard, and King, that’s my name for the beach dog, would be more interested in getting snacks. Pronto pups seem like an appropriate beach snack for Chad and King to seek out.

Meanwhile, the Hoff and his to helper life guards would get clues and by the end of the hour discover that it was old man Johnson that was dumping toxic sludge on the beach. He would have gotten away with it too it it wasn’t for those meddling life guards.

And that my friends, is a Day at the Beach.

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